To some, marriage is the undeniable, undebatable, next step in any love story worth telling. To others it’s a logical, thought-out decision to unite households or to "pool assets" (as my father so innocently suggested to my mother, who 25 blissful years later, still recounts her “romantic” engagement with a weary smile ) based on a loving relationship that works.

To others still, marriage is an adventure! Like with any good adventure, a pending marriage is a source of excitement. To add to the thrill, some begin this joyous journey far from home, with a unique destination wedding!

  

If you pride yourself on being an unconventional Bride(zilla), looking for a less-than traditional wedding, and you don’t care to be surrounded by 350 of your closest friends to say “I do”, you can safely consider yourself a candidate for a destination wedding.

Even the most zen Bride (and Groom for that matter) still want to know what their wedding will look like, and what their options and constraints are. I obviously suggest calling an onsite wedding planner for a destination wedding, but if that is not in the cards, here are a few flags to place on your wedding map :

Finding reception venues

The easiest wedding venue abroad is the 5 star hotel. One of the major hotels or resorts in the city or on the coast you've chosen will have the expertise to help you plan a chic event. This option is generally turn-key and simple, as they do weddings all the time. If you are looking for something more original (but also a little more work), look into Lofts (big trend in Paris this year), museums, manor houses or restaurants on the beach (think Côte d'Azur). 

  

Legal aspects

There are many countries to choose from, some with less requirements than others. Though there are some simple ways to wed in France, civil (legal) ceremonies are not among them (unless you have a home in France). Most of the ceremonies for foreigners in France are either symbolic or religious. See recent post on Marriage Requirements in France for detailed information.

Time differences & Language Barriers

When planning a destination wedding, be prepared to work with the time differences & to be patient with the language barriers.

Having a wedding in a foreign country often means dealing with time zone issues (unless you are already living in the GMT+1!) Be prepared to adjust your schedule to call venues and vendors during their working hours (9am-6pm Paris time, if wedding in France). 

Though most hotels ensure a constant presence at the reception desk, the Banquet Managers may not be available during your free evening hours. And if you're not dealing with an internationally oriented company/association, you can assume that the staff of your chosen florist, or even the Church Pastor will be gone by 5 or 6pm each weekday.

Also, the cozy boutique hotels, chic Lofts, charming abbeys, historical museums and private gardens, may not be equipped with a bilingual personnel, so pull out your your dictionary and practice a bit of that long lost highschool French (or Italian, or Spanish...)! 

When calling venues in France, you can start by saying : “Bonjour (Monsieur or Madame), Je souhaite organiser mon mariage (à l’abbey, au jardin, dans le Loft X)... Then quickly ask if there is someone who speaks English that can help you (“Est-ce qu’il y a quelqu’un qui parle l’anglais qui pourrait m’aider”?) Don’t forget “Merci (Monsieur or Madame).” The more proper you are, including M. or Mme, for example, the better service you will receive. 

  

Timing

Time is of the essence with any wedding, but sending out your invitations early for a destination wedding will give your guests time to get time off work, save up to buy tickets and book hotel/apartment rooms at a lower cost.

In the midst of your excitement, don't forget to give them advanced warning with a "Save the Date", and as much information as possible about where they can stay, and what the event will entail (will there be planned events all weekend long? anything they definitely shouldn't forget to put in their suitcase?)  Some of your guests may not be familiar with your chosen destination. Help them get the most out of their trip by giving them a heads up.

Also, plan on arriving to your destination before your guests. Your wedding is not at your home, but you are still hosting the event! Being there to give them tips, to help them to acclimatize, and seeing their awe at the gorgeous spot you’ve chosen will make the experience more exciting for you all!

Try to know when your guests are arriving (day-of, 3 days before?) and plan a meeting, or a way to communicate with everyone, if possible. 

Priorities & etiquette 

Though most often, an intimate destination wedding will cost (much) less than the grande soirée you’d have planned at home, there are etiquette issues that will influence the usage of your budget.

According to Emily Post, it is not an obligation to pay for airfare and hotel costs for your guests, however it is expected that you negotiate on their behalf, reserving blocks of tickets or hotel rooms at a reduced rate for them, if at all possible. 

  

Also, if you are not able to help them with one or the other, make that clear ASAP. In the invitation, you could write : “A block of rooms has been reserved at a reduced rate at XX hotel or YY hotel, under the name M. & Mrs. John Smith.” to let them know that their accommodation is going to be at their charge.

A grey area is the Bridal Party : your best friends who are supporting you, and already incurring the extra costs of color coordinated dresses/suits, shoes, hair/makeup, etc... Though not obligatory, it is customary to help them out with accommodation costs, often including them in the same hotel or Château as yourselves.

While it is acceptable to leave the travel/accommodation costs up to your guests, it is important to make it known that there is no expectation of additional gifts. Their presence at your exotic event is gift enough for you! 

Also, think about creating gift baskets, with any items your loved ones might need to feel welcome and important (see some creative ideas for French gift baskets here)

Though you’ve done your best to plan a glamourous destination wedding in St Tropez, or a charming event in the vineyards of Provence, there will be important people that simply won’t be able to make it. Consider throwing a festive party at home, like a back yard BBQ, an afternoon tea reception or a night out to the bar, for those who couldn’t join you, but whom would still like to share in your happiness!

For fabulous French weddings visit www.rendezvous-inparis.com.